Can't Say Goodbye

When the last breath leaves the body, the chest has stopped rising, the heart no longer beats, does your loved one still know your there? Or is it over? Is there just darkness? Heaven? Hell? Yes, I believe in God, but like anyone who is human I have  times when I just don't know what the hell to think, or if I have gone completely crazy. I have doubts, Your a  liar if you say you don't. Praying, begging, calling mediums, thinking this has to be a bad joke, wanting one last conversation. To know that the person you love so much is gone and that you, YOU, didn't say all that needed to be said. Did you say' "I love you" enough? Did you talk about the uncomfortable topics of your life that only the two of your can sort out? Was there forgiveness? That  is by far the hardest. I hate going to sleep at night. Why? Every morning I wake up and have to realize all over that he's gone, the phone will not ring with that strong, reassuring voice on the other end saying' "Hi, Sweetheart". If you are reading this, if you have anyone in your life that you are not making the most of everyday, Change IT!! I watched a few episodes of  "Ryan and Tatum" on the OWN channel. I am sick. They both clearly have issues, but for the love of God, the ungrateful, whiny, selfish brat needs to get over it. The man is old, sick and
has obviously made many mistakes. If you can't forgive, that is up to you, but you have to be 100% sure that the person you can't make amends with is already dead to you. You get no second chances, don't be a fool. Don't tell yourself, tomorrow, because tomorrow may bite you in the ass and never come.