I Can't move

During the few, short, horrible seconds it took to realize it was all over, this was the last breath. Oh God, Help Me!!  I was never going to hear his voice again. No more a.m. calls to say, "good morning sweetheart" No more daily trips to check on his care, to make sure the people he had surrounded himself with were caring for him. (that will be talked about in DETAIL in the future). But what everyone needs to understand, what I hope I can help even one person realize, is that you have to say, ask and discuss. Take the time to record conversations. I did a few times. I was given a year to spend with my dad, I should have done so many things different, things now that I can never change.  During those last moments, the moments I swore I would be strong, the moments when I fell to the floor, holding my dad's hand, refusing to let go, the moments when I refused to let go of his arm, When my 23 yr. old son had to comfort me, had to literally gather me off the floor when I should have been comforting him. I knew in that moment every aspect of my life had changed, and I was absolutely right. Everything I believed in, everyone I trusted, everyone I depended on has changed, and continues to be tested. True colors have been shown, lines have been drawn, and my life will never be the same.